Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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