He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
