He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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