I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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