I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
