That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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