Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
