I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
