wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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