Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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