he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
