In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
