i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
