god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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