No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
