After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
