So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
