hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
