You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
