I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
