I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
someone owes me an orgasm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
