well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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