She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
