my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
