It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
