I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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