Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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