You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
