She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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