i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
