i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
