fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
