im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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