I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
