I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
