i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
