I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
