i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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