im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
