you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
