When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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