get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
