On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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