omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
