i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
