Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still dying that you shit outside
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
