Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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