Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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