Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
