i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my poor anus
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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