u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
