I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
