We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
