I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
