im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
