oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
