ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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