I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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