My room smells like vodka and shame
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize