My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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