so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this will be a night to untag.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
