I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
