I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
