ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
