my phone needs a breathalizer
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
