Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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