i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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