She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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