so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
