every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
