Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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