The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
