you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
