I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
