It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
