omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
