my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
