If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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