so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
