i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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